Hello anxiety, my old friend

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Having anxiety and depression sucks. 

For the past two weeks, I’ve been experiencing stomach pains and fatigue. Not to sound like a pessimist, but I sometimes wish I wasn’t so tired. Staying in bed and playing Nintendo Switch helped me cope over the weekend. But I can’t do that forever. 

The thing is, having depression makes me feel tired to the point of not pursuing my passion projects. Add anxiety on top of it and I end up with an unsavoury cocktail of emotions and pain. As a working mother, I struggle with balancing my own health, making sure my kid is healthy, trying to excel at my job and having food on the table. 

I’m not here to garner sympathy from others. I’m just stating the reality of my life. It really sucks feeling this way. Sadly, we’re taught to keep our mouth shut about our mental health, especially to mothers. I’m not going to keep quiet about how I feel.

My old friend anxiety told me in my mind that there was no point in having social media. That I’m wasting my time doing all of this for nothing. Sadly, I believed what it told me. So, I ended up deactivating my Instagram and Facebook accounts, without explanation. I can faintly hear the hissing of agreement from anxiety, as I proceeded with the final confirmation of my deactivation.  

The next day, my husband and close friends asked me why I deactivated the accounts. I didn’t have the right words to say, other than the fact that I was tired of seeing curated images from others online who seem to have their shit together. As much as I’ve learned that the curated images are actually from humans with actual feelings who aren’t perfect – in my mind, I felt that my content wasn’t up to par with others. That no matter how I’m able to post the perfect hashtags to get visibility, it just didn’t feel enough. 

What I said above may sound silly. And you’re right. After writing out my actual thoughts about how I view social media as a whole, I’ve come to the conclusion that I ended up dwelling on something that shouldn’t have bothered me in the first place. 

So in every sense, this post is an apology letter to those who wondered what happened to my social media accounts. As of now, it’s been reactivated.

I was reminded by my husband on one simple factor – “Just focus on creating Betsy. Don’t worry about visibility or those hashtag things. Your enjoyment comes first.”

And I’ll keep doing so. 

Many thanks to those who reached out and checked up on my well being. Means a lot 💕 if you want to support my work, my handmade shop is still open. You can also check out my apparel. If you’re feeling generous, a simple donation is appreciated.

Namaste,
Diana

Betsy the Lotus Cow Says – Worry Less About What Others Think Of You

Happy Friday! Here’s the quote of the day from Betsy the Lotus Cow:

If I’ve spent so much time worrying about what others think of me, I’ll never get anything done.

Personally, this is a lesson that I find myself learning on a daily basis. While I’ve been more comfortable in tuning others out on their criticisms about me, there are some matters that I do take into heart about how I am as a person. I admit – I am pretty sensitive on what is being said about me. A lot of it has to do with the notion growing up that I need to make people happy in order to not create rifts.

Needless to say, I’ve found myself at a level where no matter what others say about me, I still have to keep on living. I still have goals to meet. I still have a life to lead. It’s not easy. Especially when it comes from family, friends, coworkers, etc. But, I’ve learned that in order to accomplish anything in life, you need to have thicker skin when dealing with folks who are envious, miserable, and just plain mean.

I often seen this happening on the Internet. One minute you’re the greatest person on the timeline. Next thing you know, someone wants to say crap about your existence, what you did and find every reason to drag your name down. And while it’s disheartening to see those fueling that energy in a position of negativity, I learned that folks will always have different stories about you. Some may think of you as the hero. Some may think of you as the villain. There’s no stopping of stories being told about what others perceive about me.

I wonder how celebrities manage these types of criticisms. It’s difficult, especially when they’re in the public eye and everyone has an opinion on what you should and shouldn’t do. Even before the age of social media, society has always found ways to distort the truth through different mediums (i.e. newspapers, magazines, radio, books, etc.).

These days, I’m comfortable in knowing that others will have an opinion about me. And that’s all right. People are entitled to think about how they perceive my existence. My main concern is my own happiness, how I choose to live my life and what I can accomplish during this lifetime of mine. I’m still a firm believer that there are others who are good and are truly supportive.

May you find the courage to keep on pursuing your dreams without the constant noise and chatter from others. Your success depends on what you believe in, not on the negativity of others. Bring forth a change that exemplifies positivity, especially in these rough times. Worry less about what others think of you. No one knows your path better than yourself.

Namaste,
Diana